Have you ever heard or used the saying that goes, "you are comparing apples to oranges"? This means that a comparison is being made between two unrelated and questionably comparable things, such as an acidic, soft orange, and a sweet, crisp apple...or modern rock music and a baseball bat—these comparisons are often difficult to make, if not impossible. But there is another related phrase that is also widely used, which goes, "you have to compare apples to apples." This means that a comparison is being made between two relatively and reasonably comparable things, such as a red and a green apple...or as modern rock and rock and roll—these comparisons usually make sense.
For example: two apples. Both are fruits; both are roundish; both grow on trees; one is red, and the other is green; one is sour, and the other is sweet; one is soft, and the other is crisp; one is dry, and the other juicy—this is the art of comparing and contrasting two things. We compare and contrast things all the time...but is this always beneficial? Is this beneficial when it is done with people? How about when this is done with people within the church? This article will mainly deal with comparing apples to apples (like comparing green apples to red apples)—but in the context of relationships: comparing people with other people.
The Word of God has plenty to say regarding the issue of comparing ourselves to other people, or that of being compared with others. Clue: God is not pleased with that. Below are three attitudes that displease God, that we are not to have; and then I present the attitude that we are to have, which pleases Him.
"I'm Not Good Enough"
You compare yourself to others...and now you believe you are not good enough. But pride is at the heart of such an ungodly comparison. Why pride? Because when you feel you are not good enough (by your own declaration), you start to envy others for who they are, what they can do, or what they have. And when you have envy in your heart you are, in essence, saying to God that you could have made you better and differently than you are, and that you could have given yourself better things than those which God has given you—this is the ultimate slap in the face to God.
When you compare yourself with others, you open the door to allow Satan to place hurtful lies in your heart and mind. You think, "I'm not as good as this person, or that person; I'll never amount to their status; people don't like me or praise me as much as that person; I want to be like so and so." But where is that kind of thinking going to get you? Straight to an ungrateful, envious, and unrepentant heart—which displeases God.
I think of Paul's first letter to the Corinthians, where he rebuked some people at the Corinthian church who were saying they were either of Paul or of Apollos, as if they were better than the rest of the people, simply by virtue of their association with either one of the men. However, Paul said not to boast in such things, but to boast in Christ, in God, who gives the growth (1 Corinthians 3:3-11). The story of Cain and Abel, in a sense, also revolves around comparisons. Think about it. Also, imagine how the story of David and Goliath would have ended if David had compared himself by who he was to Goliath (a short, weak, little kid), instead of by who he was to God (a man backed up and led by God).
"They're Not Good Enough"
You compare others to yourself...and now you believe others are not good enough. Again, pride is at the heart of this type of comparison. When you feel others are not good enough to meet your standard (which you set), you actually make yourself out to be the judge of what is "good." Now you, again, are saying to God that you could do it better than He.
When you are so busy measuring people up to yourself, you have no time to love them and see them as God wants you–commands you–to see them; you also have no space in your heart to genuinely encourage them. God wants you to see others through His Son, through His love for them, past their problems, past their disabilities, past their level of understanding, past their talents, and past your crooked standard.
I think of Jesus when He said of the Pharisee who compared himself to extortioners, the unjust, adulterers, or even the tax collector at his side, "this man [the repentant tax collector] went home justified, rather than the other [the prideful Pharisee]" (Luke 18:9-14). The pharisee was comparing others to himself, and he thought he was all that, but Jesus did not—not with that kind of attitude and heart, at least.
"You're All Not Good Enough"
Instead of comparing yourself with others, or vice-versa, you prefer to compare people with other people. This is another form of comparing others to your standard, making you to be the judge; as a result, others must meet your prescribed standard. When one of those people (or group of people) is closer to your standard than another, you compare them to each other to try to get the "lesser" of the two to "grow." It's a rather sinister way of "encouraging" others; a kind of twisted psychological tactic.
This kind of comparison is among the worst for the health of the church—especially if you are a leader who engages in it. Comparing people to other people produces resentment, envy, strife, and all kinds of hurtful thoughts and actions in the body. And God hates those who "sow discord among brothers and sisters" (Proverbs 6:19). The church should be a place where people show love, genuine encouragement, joy, peace, kindness, self-control, gentleness, etc.; and not gossip, slander, misrepresentations, discouragement, manipulation, and strife.
I think, again, of Paul in his second letter to the Corinthians, where he tells those who compare themselves to others (or some to others) that they are without understanding; that they are foolish. Paul didn't dare to compare himself to others as he was making his case for his apostleship and authority, but instead he boasted in Christ; he did not boast beyond limits because he knew it is God who ultimately commends, not men (2 Corinthians 10:7-18). He did not compare some with others—unless he was making a spiritual point that was good (such as in Philippians 3:3-9).
Christ Is Good Enough
But how do we fight the comparisons we often make of ourselves, or those comparisons by others made of us? We compare ourselves to Christ. The only person that we should be comparing ourselves to is Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior. He alone is the standard of what is good and right and pleasing to the Lord. If there is one person in whom we can boast, it is Christ!
So, are you looking more like Christ? Are you walking as He did? Are you loving others, as He did? Are you forgiving those who trespass against you, as He did? Are you being patient, kind, truthful, encouraging, just, self-controlled, joyful, etc., as He was? If you are not, might you be comparing yourself to others? Or might you be allowing people to compare you with others in an ungodly way? Well, turn your eyes upon Jesus, and know that if you love Him, and others, He approves of you. Do not look elsewhere for approval—your identity and value is in Christ, not in other people, nor in their estimations of you.
Exceptions
Now, did Jesus compare, measure, or judge people? Yes, at times, and usually concerning their actions or spiritual state, and especially their faith. Jesus compared people with people for godly reasons, and He did it justly, with love, and with truth. He was not in the business of using pop psychology to attempt to curb the behavior of others; and He was also not in the business of using insincere flattery, especially when comparing people, in order to lift some up while at the same time tearing others down. Jesus' judgments and comparisons were always good, because He is good.
I think of the time Jesus told His followers of how great a faith He had found in a certain centurion—such a faith He had not seen in all of Israel. Notice, however, that Jesus did not put others down while commending the centurion. I also think of the time Jesus was asked by His disciples, "Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?"—this after the disciples had been arguing amongst themselves about which one of them was the greatest. Well, Jesus put them in their place really fast (Matthew 18:1-6). He told them that one must be humble–like a child–to even get into heaven! How's that for comparing people with people? The disciples were compared with children! But again, Jesus' comparisons were spiritual in nature, and they were always good, and for the good of others.
Also, there is room for comparing who you once were (either without Christ, or in Christ) and who you are now. There should definitely be a comparable difference in your spiritual maturity—and this is good. Just like you would expect to be better at a task or skill if you practiced it (and would compare your current level to your previous one), you should be comparing your spiritual growth as a Christian...but always measuring yourself against Christ. These types of comparisons, however, are not the ones I am referring to in this article. These types of comparisons are good, and should produce what is good—chiefly, growth.
The other types of comparisons mentioned in this article, though, are usually not good nor beneficial to anyone—they cause the destruction of relationships. Therefore, unless you can make sure that your comparisons and judgements are edifying and good, do not make them. Remember Ephesians 4:29, "Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear." When you compare, a heart you tear...God's, yours, and others'.
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